Saturday, January 21, 2012

SSRC - My Soul To Lose

Goodreads Description:

It was supposed to be a fun day, shopping at the mall with her best friend. Then the panic attack started and Kaylee Cavanaugh finds herself screaming, unable to stop. Her secret fears are exposed and it's the worst day of her life.
Until she wakes up in the psychiatric unit.

She tries to convince everyone she's fine--despite the shadows she sees forming around another patient and the urge to scream which comes burbling up again and again. Everyone thinks she's crazy. Everyone except Lydia, that is. Another patient with some special abilities....

This is my first post for the Soul Screamers Reading Challenge hosted by the wonderful Rachel over at Fiktshun. If you would like to find out more about and/or sign up for it, you can do it by clicking on the button below.

Soul Screamers Reading Challenge

In addition, she has also created a special blog just for this challenge where people without a blog/Goodreads account/facebook account etc. can leave their reviews/opinions. You can find the site right here.


Since this is my second time reading these books, I decided to limit this post to my thoughts and feelings, rather than write a review.

I was so excited to finally start reading this series again, it was driving me crazy. I ended up putting the book I was reading aside, and indulged in “My Soul to Lose” instead. I have since tried to pick the other book back up, but all can I think about is Kaylee, Tod, and this incredible world. Needless to say, I haven't went back to my previous back yet, but started “My Soul to Take” instead. This post is not about “MSTTake”, though.

As I was saying earlier, I was really excited about re-reading these books. My excitement grew with every page I read, which I didn't even think was possible. You only get a first tiny glimpse at the world Rachel Vincent as created, but it captivates you nonetheless. At least, it's what happened to me. Again. I loved reading snip-bits which I can now connect to events which will happen later on in the series. I especially loved the insight you get into Kaylee's character. It takes a lot of inner strength and determination to keep your head up and not lose hope in such a place.

Knowing what I know about the events Kaylee will be put through, makes me think this experience at the mental health until has strengthened her. Even if she doesn't realize it. I mean, you can't go through something like this and not be affected by it.

There was one thing, though, which really bugged and if you haven't read “My Soul to Take” yet, you probably shouldn't read the next two paragraph.


I couldn't help but just be so incredibly mad at Kaylee's Aunt Val. I kept thinking, “You know she's not crazy, you know it and still you're putting her through all this!” I almost cried out of frustration. I wanted to crawl into those pages so bad and just get Kaylee out of there myself. As for her Uncle Brendan, I do realize he is not innocent in this either, but he at least showed more emotion. You could tell he felt helpless and just didn't know what else to do. He did realize his/their mistake though, and made sure to get Kaylee back home. I'm sure he still deeply regrets ever having put her in this situation in the first place.

I know what some of you might say now – double standards. I realize that, but Aunt Val and Uncle Brendan are two totally different people with two completely different personalities. Uncle Brendan is very caring and genuinely worried about his niece and would never do anything to hurt Kaylee on purpose. He cares about Kaylee's well-being more than anything else – apart from his wife and own daughter, obviously. Aunt Val, on the other hand, always leaves the impression she is doing what's right for her. I could go on and on about this, but then I would be digging deep into “MSTTake” which this post is not about.


I am so happy I signed up for this challenge. I know I would have re-read these books anyway, but it probably wouldn't have happened this soon. I love how I got sucked right back into this world, and only just by reading this novella again.

Well, this concludes my first SSRC post. I will get right back to reading “MSTTake”. It will be so hard having to take a break after it until mid-February... BUT it will be SO worth it!


  1. I love your thoughts about the short story. I'm so happy to hear that it gets you all riled up. I was the same way. Now I'm dying to re-read this even more!

    And I know what you mean about Aunt Val. I could throttle her too. But not Uncle Brendan. And it doesn't feel like a double standard! She's so mean!

    I'm so glad you decided to share your thoughts on this novella. I can't wait to hear just what you have to say with MSTTake! :)

    1. Thank you SO much for your comment! I'm really glad you liked my post. I haven't even finished "MSTTake" yet, but have already started the post for it. *lol* I don't even want to imagine how long it will end up being. ;)

      I know, right?! I could just shake Aunt Val all day long, trying to knock some sense into her... What a woman. No wonder Sophie turned out the way she did.

      Oh, and I just discovered all those wonderful quotes on GR. I think I will start including some, starting with the "MSTTak" post. :)

  2. Fantastic post! I haven't reread MSTL yet, but reading this I really want to. And I totally agree with you about the whole connecting-the-dots-to-future-books thing. I love it when I go back and read older books from this (or any!) series and read a hint like that and start thinking, "I see what you did there!"

    As far as Aunt Val and Uncle Brendan go, I might actually be more angry at Brendan, at least in MSTL time, because even if Val knows that Kaylee's not crazy, Brendan, I think, understands more, and still he lets her get stuck in the psych ward. It's not cool. I get that they're trying to protect her from the hard truth, but letting her think she's crazy? Too far.

    1. See, I don't think they are necessarily letting her think she's crazy, because her uncle says to her that she isn't. I actually have a small paragraph which made me think that her uncle really was just helpless. He didn't know what else to do after she almost clawed her own throat out... He didn't know how to calm her down and that point, they didn't know Harmony yet, who ultimately helped Kaylee with all that. Okay, but here is the little paragraph:

      “I’m not crazy. I’m not.” [...]
      “I know,” my uncle said softly, and I glanced at him in surprise. His eyes were closed and he took several deep breaths, like he was preparing himself for something he didn’t want to do. He looked ready to cry. Or to beat the crap out of something. I was voting for the latter.
      When Uncle Brendon finally opened his eyes, his gaze was steady. Intense. “Kaylee, I know you didn’t mean to hurt yourself, and I know you’re not crazy.”
      He seemed so sure of it, I almost believed him. Relief washed over me, like that first air-conditioned breeze on a hot summer day. But it was quickly swallowed by doubt. Would he be so sure if he knew what I’d seen?
      “We need you to give this a shot, okay?” His eyes pleaded with me. Desperately. “They can teach you how to deal with it here. How to calm yourself down and…hold it back. Val and I… We don’t know how to help with that.”

      He just seems so desperate to me in that moment...